Beware The Phantom Menace

by J. A. Hitchcock

Hmmm.

I've been a Star Wars fan since I saw the first (technically the fourth) movie in 1977. My older brother took me - I was 18 at the time (you do the math). We went to a theatre in Manchester, New Hampshire - there were no long lines to get in.

Just about two hours later, we walked out of the theatre in a daze. We were stunned. Star Wars was the best I'd ever seen! The special effects were brilliant! Han Solo was a hunk! Luke Skywalker was a hero! I wanted to be Princess Leia! (and I was for a company Halloween party later that year)

It's funny how some people say Star Wars changed their lives and others will laugh at them. Well, laugh all you want, but Star Wars did change my life. It made me realize that I could do anything if I set my mind to it ("Try not - DO"), that I could be a hero ("Use the Force, Jayne") and that dreams do come true.

I began collecting Star Wars memorabilia then - mine is an eclectic collection. I have hardly any action figures (all of the are Han Solo-related). I have loads of magazines - from Starlog to TIME to Star Force (from the UK) to Rolling Stone - and more I didn't even knew existed. I have autographed photos of Harrison Ford as Han Solo, David Prowse as Darth Vader and the guy who played Boba Fett (yes, I know his real name, it's Jeremy Bullock - I wanted to see how many of you were still awake). I have Star Wars Walkie-Talkies, a Stormtrooper room alarm (which drives my hubby nuts when he walks in my office and is told "Move away, move away.") and other nifty, weird things.

So, when The Phantom Menace came out and was panned, I remembered something - the very first Star Wars movie was also panned.

My husband and I went to see it. And we were pleasantly surprised. More than pleasantly surprised - we loved it! Again, it was the special effects! Obi-wan Kenobi is a hunk! Anakin Skywalker is a hero! I want to be Queen Amidala, well, not really, but I did love her costumes.

Now, I would like to pick apart the critics problems with the film:
1. Jar Jar Binks is annoying, was a Caribbean stereotype and a "Steppin' Fetchit" of the future
   • I found Jar Jar Binks looked and acted more like a puppy that was anxious to please
   • His ears reminded me more of very long dog ears, not dreadlocks (Hello! Was anyone really watching this movie?)
   • Where did the Caribbean stereotype come from? I've been to the Caribbean, I have Caribbean friends and I've never heard a Caribbean talk like Jar Jar Binks. Since when do they say "meesa" and "yousa"? My friends thought this idea was hilarious.
   • Jar Jar Binks is a "Steppin' Fetchit" of the future? First of all, his eyes are on little stalks on top of his head - how many African-Americans look like this? Second, the way he walked looked nothing like an African-American, it reminded me more of a cross between John Travolta's strut from Saturday Night Fever and a camel walking.
   • Finally, although Jar Jar Binks may be annoying to most adults, we found him to actually be kind of cute, although unintelligable and a bit too clumsy for our taste. Yes, he was a tad annoying at times, but that was his character.
2. There were all kinds of other stereotypes in the movie
   • You know what, folks, this is called science fiction - do you understand that second word - it's FICTION.
   • So, the bad guys in this movie had accents that "sounded" Asian or "acted" like Jews or Arabs, etc. Does that mean the bad guys from the first movie, who wore uniforms that looked distinctly like Nazi uniforms and spoke with a German or British accent were stereotypes? No. So why would it be true in this movie?
   • Do you see gay activists sounding off that C3P0 is a stereotype? No. Because they understand that C3P0 is a robot, a fictional character, and a part of the whole story.
   • I think people have got to cool off on the political correctness. This is a movie, it's fiction, it's a total fantasy - the majority of the characters are not even human. For crying out, loud, people, you go to the movies to be entertained, not to pick them apart. If you want to pick on movies, pick on the ones with gratuitious sex and violence.
     So there!
3. The story lacked a character like Han Solo
   • I think Han Solo was (and is) an integral character to the series, but didn't anyone see Obi Wan Kenobi? Or was I the only one? He's a hunk and he helped save the day. Sure, he wasn't sarcastic like Han Solo, but he did his part.
   • Frankly, I don't think there will ever be another Han Solo - there can only be one!
4. Who cares about Anakin Skywalker as a kid? Let's get to the good stuff, when he becomes the evil Darth Vader!
   • Maybe it's just me, but I really enjoyed learning about Anakin Skywalker as a child. It was heartbreaking to see his mother saying good-bye to him, it was nice seeing him do some good before he becomes evil. It's nice to know he really was a normal kid at one time, just like the normal father he became at the end of Return of the Jedi. It made him human.
5. Anakin was immaculately conceived!
   • Who says so? The media? Speculators?
   • Remember, this story is set in the future; they would have cloning capabilities and surrogate mothers (it'd be easy to knock her out, implant sperm in her and wallah! She's pregnant and thinks there's no father - now wouldn't that be a plot twist? Just who would the father really be?).
   • Or maybe she is the next "Virgin Mary" and Anakin is "the one." Nah.

I think I pretty much covered all the criticism.

But now I have a list of questions for George Lucas, questions I haven't seen or heard anyone else ask:
1. Just who or what is The Phantom Menace? Is it Anakin? Emperor Palpatine? The Force?
2. Queen Amidala has a "decoy" - is she a twin? A clone? A cyborg/robot? This totally confused me.
3. Jabba The Hutt has another Hutt standing next to him at the pod races - I've heard that this is supposed to be a female Hutt, but they're "just friends." Come on - give us a real answer here. And on that note, why is it that the Hutts rule Tatooine, but in the mid-quels, they don't? What happened there?
4. What is the big red "ball" that is given to the leader of the Gungans at the end of the movie? Can someone please explain this to me?

All in all, what it really comes down to is personal taste. I loved The Phantom Menace. I thought Darth Maul was one of the cooler characters - so cool, in fact, I've now got an autographed photo of Ray Parks as Darth Maul hanging under Han Solo. I also have some Darth Maul action figures. My hubby thinks I'm still nuts.

Star Wars nuts.